|Kaylie, you gonna be alright Girl...Slow connections suck and I don't mean internet connections.|
We find Kaylie finding consolation with her furry pink pillows and blankets, still processing the shock of losing her not-quite-a-friend friend, Maeve, whose untimely death at 17 is a four column headline on the internet. The maid that brings the Cruz family hot towels while working out must also spit shine Kaylie’s laptop screen, for as she switches off her display, the monitor becomes a perfect mirror, and where once was Maeve’s face now is Kaylie’s, in the first of many reflection-and-reversal moments this episode offers up.
The following morning, The Rock is all abuzz with word of the impending meet against Dallas, and Darby is doing her Darbyest to get the girls prepared. How? By having one of her gymnasts spend the afternoon shooting photos. It’s waa waa waa Max, who can now photograph Payson out in the open and is following her around, while Lauren, who very clearly called ‘dibs’ on Max, is doing her darnedest to get some of that sweet voyeurism spread her way.
|Sweet procrastination! Wait for it...wait for it!|
Shouldering the responsibility of the Rock girls is still squarely on Dippy Darby’s shoulders, who has some bad news and good news to share: Dallas has backed out, there will be no meet against the best team in the nation – but subbing at last minute is the Pinewood Gym Club from Davenport, Iowa! The Rock Elite treat this news as if they are being told The Rolling Stones have cancelled and Jack Mack and the Heart Attack are playing instead, especially Payson, who is not hiding her disdain of the new coach. Darbs overhears Pay’s grumblings, and cracks begin to show in her perpetually perky posing. She decides to tackle this challenge the way any good coach would – by blackmail, of course. She tells Payson that if Pay goes around making the meet with Iowa sound like great shakes, then Darby will improve her vault score by point-seven. Payson agrees, and Darby is free to return to doing her inimitable coaching, which means she orders headshots of the girls for the lobby. Lauren taps shutterbug Max for a private photo shoot at her home later that evening, and I’m already picturing Dudley Moore inviting Goldie Hawn over. Beware of the dwarf, Max.
|From Madison Square Garden to The Pizza Shack...He still gets nervous, that's SOOOO cute!|
Since now he has no outlet for himself, and he’s updated his royalty free equivalent Facebook page with a street sign photo illustrating no outlet, he’s free to instant message chat with Emily, who just so happened to be checking out his keen green flyer for his show at the Pizza Shack, designed by Johnny Bravo and the Brady Kids. Emily decides it’s not breaking the rules of her contract to chat online with Damon, but she’s not that confident because she quickly shuts it down when mom Chloe comes in the room. Maybe if Emily hadn’t chosen bright red Papyrus font as her default chat setting she could get away with it more stealthily. Fortunately, she’s still got the “you work in a strip club” attack she can hold over Chloe’s head, the second time she’s used it in one day. Emily’s starting to sound a bit like Lauren with her “oh yeah, well you let my mom die” ace card.
|Note to self: Buy nice camera and start taking pics of chicks.|
|Resistance is futile...My angel is a centerfold|
Emily, who should know by now that freedom – it ain’t free – is discovered by Payson promoting Damon’s show on the Rock bulletin board and, keeping her end of the blackmail bargain with Darby, points out Emily isn’t sticking her landings and she should be taking the meet with the Iowa Sissies more seriously instead of encroaching on the Christian Summer Camp flyers. But Payson is dropping the ball on getting her Max, as Lauren sneakily asks him out to the Shack to watch Damon play. Payson makes a date she calls a plan though Lauren has a plan she calls a date – reflections reversed. However, Kim, Payson’s mom, who seems to be the only person who remembers Payson’s extreme back injury, pulls Darby aside to make sure her kid can continue to walk and puts the kibosh on this new move Darbs is teaching. Darby pulls the plug on Payson, who lays into her jellyfish-like ways, and Darby takes a page from the gospel of Sasha by saying the Elites are going to be in the gym all night. Oh no! What about Lauren’s date? What about Payson’s plan? Who will go see Damon’s show?
|Rock bottom never looked so HOTT!|
Darby, you are falling apart! Sitar music plays as the increasingly drowning Darby passes around a huge bowl of ‘truthcorn,’ surely an exercise she’s borrowed from NGO camp. Payson truthfully says she’d rather be at home, and Lauren uses her wicked powers of persuasion by saying she’d rather be at the Pizza Shack, and after a quick vote where everyone excluding Payson says they want to go, Darby bends like a reed and the whole team is off to see the gig. Damon is there with his backup acoustic guitar player who isn’t reading his charts and doesn’t know about the second fret capo, but it’s no matter. What does matter is that Lauren shows Payson the sexy shots Max took of her on their “date” last night, just in time before Max catches sight of them and twiddles his fingers. Payson isn’t buying what he’s selling, though, and she is no longer the president of the Sweet Apple fan club for Max. What did she ever see in him? She’s got a lot of livin’ to do.
Emily is absorbing the joy of being in the same room as Damon, especially since it appears to be Razor’s night off, when Damon calls out into the audience for Kaylie to join him on stage, which she does, and the two sing the song they wrote together, and again, big ups to Josie Loren – who knew Kaylie could sing? And while we’re at it, can we get a hand for the sound guys at the Pizza Shack? Those mics pick up everything, it’s astounding. And quite touching, as Damon sings, filled with longing for Emily, and Kaylie sings, filled with self-realization and acceptance about Maeve. But it sure looks like the two of them are singing to each other, like Peaches & Herb, and it’s not sitting well with Emily. She’s got bigger fish to fry, though, because the Terminator – er, I mean, the NGOgre has been back at her house and at the Rock looking for her. Fortunately Summer heads him off at the pass, and sends him the long way so she can get to the Shack in time to sneak Emily out the back. Doesn’t he know there’s a super fast way to get from the Pizza Shack to just about anywhere in town? Kaylie and Emily made it from the Shack to the radio station before Damon’s song was even over a couple of seasons ago. I digress. The NGOgre isn’t buying Payson’s story but is easily distracted by Darby, quaffing half a beer. This is not Darby’s week.
|Even the extra next to Payson ain't buying it...Marcus, WHAT UP!|
Finally, we see Kaylie in her bed, just like we did at the beginning, another mirror shot, another reflection. She tears out her calorie counting and writes. My name is Kaylie Cruz, and I am anorexic. Hi, Kaylie! We welcome you to recovery. It works if you work it. Can’t wait for next week. Can you? Hit us up, let us know, and while you’re waiting, be sure to listen to the current episode of ‘The Tank’ podcast where we talk with MIOBI executive producer Holly Sorensen and she gives exclusive behind the scenes stories, tells us which Rock Girl she’s most like, and just may have an idea to get romance back in Chloe Kmetko’s life with some very special guest stars. Can I get a “Rock On?”