|Duck Duck Goose now an Olympic event with an elite training center|
New coach Darby is once again tapping into her inner pagan by using the classic “Reverse Duck Duck Goose” model of positive reinforcement. The girls of The Rocky Mountain Gymastics Center are sitting in a non hierarchal circle, offering compliments to Payson in the mush pot. Payson and Lauren are doing as good of a job hiding their snippy dislike of being co-captains as they are hiding that they’re ogling the boys on the rings. Darbs has just the solution to this rivalry, in the fan-flippin’-tastically named exercise called ‘Learn My Routine.’ Since it’s entirely unclear by the name, she goes on to explain this is when gymnasts buddy up and learn each others’ routine. I’m hoping later on in the season Darby will straighten out just what goes on at the vaguely named “Pizza Shack,” since I’ve been puzzled just what that name means.
|I thought this was a steam bath? Whatevs?|
|Kaylie says, "Whatevs?" to rehab.|
|Bodacious Max and his Boulders...Or, Jesus! This guy is HOTT!|
Speaking of web voyeurism, newly deflowered Emily is checking in on flower picker Damon’s web page, pondering the deal with the NGO devil she made and how she could possibly play the fiddle better so she can escape from her crossroads of choosing love or gymnastics. She’s taking it out on poor one-overcoat Chloe, who is once again hiding her vinyl bra and stressing about getting to her “call center” job on time. Chloe is still keeping this double life under wraps, although one wonders how long this can last.
Much like wondering how long Kaylie’s treatment will last, as she masterfully, with a single sentence, turns her father against her well-fed therapist just like Maeve taught her. Mom Ronnie, who seemed to have just an inkling of awareness of good parenting for just a second there, has her epiphany of seeing Kaylie as she really is blurred like a furry purple vest. Kaylie’s evil plan to get back to the gym and train again is unfolding perfectly. Mwah ha ha ha! Let’s hang that banner on The Rock – “Home of Kaylie Cruz, the Greatest Criminal Mastermind Of All Time!”
|From deep in her hidden lair (formerly Dr. No's Evil Headquarters) Kaylie plots.|
Dinner at the Cruz household includes Kaylie’s evil buddy Maeve, who is so bewitching that even Ronnie, who was so alert at finding a trash bag of food in Kaylie’s gym bag, is not noticing the girls pick at their plates and avoid taking more food. Wait, I know what it is – it’s that fuzzy purple vest! Ronnie, take the vest off, it’s weighing down your judgment like Superman’s kryptonite necklace! Where’s that wise sage, Austin Tucker, who sees all and knows all when you need him most?
|Meow! Pay eats pork chops for breakfast!|
Speaking of secret jobs, Emily finds Bambi’s name tag and a pink cocktail napkin now that mom sleeps in the living room, and a quick call from her flip phone at The Rock confirms her worst fears: Mom is working at a strip club. I can’t think of anything more sleazy, disgusting, vile, embarrassing – then the door opens, we hear “Hello!” and in walk Lenny and Squiggy.
Well, not quite, but in walk Maeve and Kaylie in a very Squigtones moment, just as the girls are talking about how they wouldn’t be seeing Kaylie around the gym. Darbs couldn’t be more thrilled to have the real deal lemon peel back, but Austin has his worries about the speed at which Kaylie has returned. It also seems that Kaylie may be turning a corner in this, as buddy Maeve is off to a modeling gig in Italy. She reaches out to the car as it drives away, suddenly alone with her secret. Is she going to confide in someone now? Summer gives it words – we all, in our gut, know what’s right. You know what’s right, Kaylie, you’re just obscuring it with excuses and anger. Austin can’t help you, therapy can’t help you, training can’t help you; it’s all up to you.
|IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME TO "LEARN MY ROUTINE"!!! Somewhere Sasha sits in a bar, wondering where it all went so, very wrong.|
For a girl who is so dedicated to gymnastics, she sure does skip out on practice this afternoon, though, choosing to wallow in an enormous bathrobe instead of participating in the labyrinthinely worded ‘Learn My Routine.’ Lauren nails Payson’s routine, thanks to Payson’s excellent coaching, and seeing Lauren excel, mouth breathing Max is pretty sure that Lauren is all things Payson and is ready to hit that, when suddenly Payson walks out in a skin tight black outfit, her hair teased up. Max gets chills, they’re multiplying; Payson flicks a lit cigarette on the ground, crushing it with her high heeled shoes, just like Frenchy tells her to do, and it’s goodbye to Sandra Dee.
She’s up on the beam, shaking her bodacious boulder, and bringing seven chakras of hotness, causing Lauren to shrink a little between gape-jawed Max and all-knowing Austin. Max is back to his drooling Payson puppy love ways, and tries to smoothly ask her out with the greatest pick up line in all of Boulder: “I hear there’s this awesome juice joint around here.” Better shape up, Max, ’cause Payson needs a man.
|Sex sells...but who's buying? Daddy's little girl rises like a Phoenix only to descend back into HELL!|
Well, Kaylie hasn’t learned her lesson, and she’s back yelling at her parents, just like last week. Her training at The Rock remains uncertain, but if we know The Rock girls, she can jump right in and learn and entire routine and excel in it in about a day or two. Look how well Payson and Lauren did. And Emily has been out of practice for a couple of days now but I bet she’ll be in top form again right away. But will Austin be there for Kaylie to love? Or will he be out leading his Zumba Dance class?
We finally do get to see some real buddies in the end, though, as Emily opens up to Payson about having Spruce Juiced with Damon, and Payson shares that Emily is not as terminally unique as she thinks she is. All the Rock girls have their own pains and struggles to overcome – but just what is it they love most, what is their dream? To be Olympians. That is what they want, above all. And so it shall be, by accepting who they are as they are, and embracing self fully - flawed, sexy, perfectionists all. Are we in time for Kaylie, though? Kaylie, who caves in and calls her wicked friend Maeve as another crutch, another excuse, another way to bear her secret? A call out to a friend – who is no longer there? Maeve has collapsed from heart failure at the Denver airport. Maeve has passed away. Are you listening now, Kaylie?
|Model behavior...Or, easy peazy, no one gets out of Denver alive!|