|He went out for a borscht and he never came back...|
|Severing ties the old fashioned way, in a letter.|
At least, ready to move on to stumble in to Steve and Darby arguing in the lobby. Steve has sources – sources! – that tell him the Rock Girls are on the chopping block for Worlds (now drink one shot) and it’s all up to Darby to make things right. Hey, Steve, aren’t you the one who engineered Sasha’s ousting? Aren’t you the one whose daughter leaked the doctored video of Payson and Sasha kissing? Didn’t you have a hand in bringing your daughter’s good friend on to be the new coach? What’s the big woo? Looks like you’re reaping what you sow. But Darby hears and gets the eye of the tiger, and, looking as fierce as Seymour Krelborn, says there’s a new sheriff in town, and her name is Coach Conrad. You all be cool. Right on.
Good thing the girls are getting out of town, then, in one of the airplanes that are as big as a building cruising the skies above Denver’s airport. Emily and Chloe are running late, most likely because they spent the morning trying to find Emily’s white team jacket with her name on the back and it just didn’t turn up. Good thing Emily has a hugely baggy shirt to wear. What’s with all the baggy shirts, Emily? Big robes, hiding behind laptops, walking behind two men carrying a large board that covers your belly? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the people behind the cameras on this show were trying to hide something. But I know better. Don’t I?
|They don't write em' like that anymore...ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!|
Speaking of muse Kaylie, she’s back getting help for her anorexia in earnest, with a therapist who can’t even bother to turn his matching chair a little bit so he can face the couch. The guy’s going to have a sore neck at the end of the day if he keeps looking over his shoulder at his patients. But enough about Kaylie, there’s some Amazing Race action happening on the plane as Payson decides she wants to skip the flight to the meet in Hungary and instead take a different flight that will get them to Romania and Sasha. Emily, who feels more alone than ever, says Sasha is the only one who believed in her so she agrees to go, and Lauren, who is just full of herself, decides the two of them will screw it up so she has to go as well. Plus she’s got a $20,000 limit credit card so she can buy the tickets. One loud wipe pan later, the girls are in London, England – not to be confused with London, Alabama – looking to ditch their chaperones.
|Who's chaperoning these two? HunGary HunRoss we need the Sasha leads!|
Their ruse has not gone unnoticed by the Keystone Kops that are Summer and Darby – “I thought they were with you!” “But I thought they were with you!” – and Kelly Parker is updating her Twitter feed from behind them. No matter, as our Rock girls are on their way, under the gentle care of a sleeping African. Emily buys some strange drink in what looks like an aerosol spray can that Lauren tells her could be filled with banned substances that will show up in Emily’s drug test, but Em quickly deflects this line of Lauren abuse by saying she’s broken up with Damon because of the whole Kaylie thing. Both Lauren and Payson say that Kaylie would never steal another girl’s boyfriend and suddenly Emily thinks she’s made a terrible mistake. AGAIN!
Not so fast, Emily. It may not be Kaylie that you have to worry about. Damon, advertising his needs with a shirt that reads SAVE ME, comes across Kaylie, who is hiding from her mom in the room in the house set aside for everything that worships her mom’s career. So does Damon live there now, or what? Does he stay at home and then come to the studio to write? Is he recording anything? Save yourself, Damon. It’s what Kaylie is doing, working on her I Ching symbols and being a girl of a hundred lists as she tries to pin down the inciting incident for her eating disorder. “Maybe it’s not the sport,” she says, taking ownership of her own actions. Damon takes this as an indication that maybe all girls are screwed up, not just gymnastics girls, and maybe that’s what’s crawled up Emily’s butt.
|Sasha's Angels ditch Bosely to harvest beets in rustic studio lot...Or, babooshkas on bikes are sexy!|
The bar called…Olimpia? I may not be Jessica Fletcher, but there’s something familiar about that bar name. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I know – it’s the water! No, wait, that’s not it. It will come to me. In the meantime, I can see the big twist with the old babushka lady in a dark alley: “You told me Sasha didn’t live here!” She cackles and her eyes turn wide. “But he doesn’t. He only…works here! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Then she vanishes in a puff of green smoke, leaving only a little puddle of gross old woman stuff on the ground.
Yes, there’s our boy, Sasha as Marion Ravenwood, wiping off glasses and lugging empty kegs, in the remotest section of Frontierland where he can still learn the outcomes of gymnastic meets in Colorado. One by one the girls leave their corner of the bar and walk to the single section of it where Sasha seems impervious to walking away. There is a magical, secret vortex, just past the glazed over staring black haired guy, where Sasha has to stand and listen to Emily, to Payson, to Summer. Each time, though, he says no, he is not coming back to the Rock. Does anyone believe him? Even the chickens outside are mocking him.
|The mess you made when you went away...Alanis Morissette 2.0|
Emily and Lauren skedaddle out of Romania to get to the Hungary meet, and Summer arrives to get Payson, who has one last guilt trip to lay on Sasha before she leaves. She returns his gold medal, saying it used to remind her of success but now it reminds her of quitting. And she’s off to her jammies, to sleep and prepare for the meet, only to be awoken at 3:04 like George Lutz by Sasha. He’s here. He’ll train the girls, but only if they listen. Emily and Payson literally jump for joy at the prospect of being awake in 5 hours.
|Of course I've seen Josh Randall's "Withstand One Night", Steve!|
Probably for the best, because the team is under the watchful eye of Josh Randall (played by friend of the What Duvet Said podcast, Joel West – I’m beginning to think every week we’re going to see a friend of WDS on MIOBI. Did all of you check out Joel’s short film called Withstand One Night? You may look at Coach Randall with a bit of a smirk after that). Randall is there to settle once and for all who is the spotlight stars for Worlds (drink again). A lot of pressure on Emily, especially. But that’s not the only snag; there’s a Russian powerhouse named Ivanka, with a harsh red haircut and an Ivan Drago “I will break you” attitude, who comes in and beats Apollo Creed to death as “Living in America” plays.
The US team is down in points so it’s up to Emily and her uneven bar routine, so she gets pumped by Sasha and, charged with independence, fire, and success in bringing back Sasha, screws up and fails. Ouch! Didn’t see that coming. Randall pulls Emily from the rest of the competition, substituting devil horned Kelly Parker instead. But it’s not enough, as Ivanka charms the Hungarian judges by doing her floor routine to Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsody #2, a clear home favorite as opposed to Payson’s Russian Tchaikovsky selection. The US team gets silver, the Russians take the gold, and Emily is off the team. How could this get any worse?
|Of course you look sexy in that sweatshirt! What did the Hungarian National Committee say, Em?|